Friday, November 1, 2013

The End of CaptureYourGrief

During the month of October, I participated in Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief project. So many of you were kind and supportive observers as I participated with the large baby loss community in a wonderful and honest opportunity to speak to what grief looks like in our lives.

But it ended yesterday on a somewhat sour note. Millions of people saw and felt the need to attack a picture of her baby that one mother posted. The vitriol got so out of hand that Facebook started deleting photos and ultimately deleted the Entire Event.

I'll be honest....when I woke up and found out this is how it all ended, I teared up. And I felt angry at these nameless faceless people that felt the need to attack a picture - a picture that is probably one of the few things that mother has to remember her precious child. A picture that it took courage to share. She thought she had a safe place and ultimately, it wasn't.

After the anger came a deep well of sadness. Because what is it within us that took something beautiful and created such hate?  Because those last minutes when I held my babies...they were holy. The pain was eclipsed very briefly by the utter peace their faces bore. I don't have a picture of that - but I wish I did. And I would share it - if I thought I had a safe place.

But something in our society rebels against the face of death and loss - and refuses to see the holy in a mother tracing her child's eyes and nose and lips for the last time. Some rot in our cultures refuses to see these children as people. And that rebellion is seen in the anger they displayed, the disgust they didn't keep to themselves when confronted with such beauty.

Now, while the sadness is still there, grief is twined through it. Grief for people whose hearts are so hard that they must hurt another for no purpose - lashing out against their own discomfort they tear down what they do not understand.

My children's memory verse this week: I Peter 4:8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I will love. And I will pray that my love helps someone else love - banishes some of their anger. And I will love because that is what I need to do. So that I do not take such bitterness in and let it swell. I will forgive - even though they don't want my forgiveness - because it is what I must do. I will speak my truth in love because I know no other way. 

Maybe someday my story and the stories of millions of families will not be so uncomfortable for everyone.

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