October 15, 2012
A day of remembrance.
A day to tell you, once again....all my children are precious. Every single one.
And to tell you that silence will not ease the hurt, mine or anyone's. In fact, the angry part of my grief and sadness wants to shatter the silence - smash it into so many little pieces. So that I, and others like me, can boldly speak of our children, our love...and our loss.
While I feel the day is coming, it is not here yet. I cannot speak freely without that uncomfortable shift and averting of eyes in my companions.
So today, I'll show you what goodbye looks like.
Tonight I will light a single candle - one candle in memory of five children. Tomorrow I will celebrate one of the children I keep with me here. And then, on the 17th, I will check on the baby growing within me now. I will find out if he is with us for one more day, or if he too will be remembered forever as a lost hope.
And every day, not just today, I'll say goodbye. I'll let go, once more, of the pain and the sorrow - and the ache.