I've been quiet. Mostly because what's been on my mind is...frightening. But, I had to remind myself again - it's OK to be honest. To share.
Because I've been contemplating a very scary statistic.
I've read it in pamphlets, given to me in hospital care packages. In magazine articles and blogs. I've seen it over and over again.
Only 20% of marriages survive the loss of a child.
That means that 80% don't.
What a big number. Much more than half. More than two-thirds. More than three-fourths even.
I've met couples that have survived. And I've met some that haven't.
I can find no judgement in me for those who fell apart. There is a wealth of pain in them. Somehow, in their hurt over the blow dealt them....they simply lost their way to one another.
When life just has to keep going - when you have to go to work, keep paying bills, and just keep going - how much time is there to keep your oneness together?
How much effort would it take?
Honestly, there is little support in this area. Doctors do not inquire after the state of your marriage when you go in for a checkup. Insurance agencies do not call and ask if they can help you navigate the complicated process of pursuing counseling.
Churches assume you can take care of your own marriage.
Families do their best to stay out of your marriage.
So, what do you do?
When the person next to you hurts just as much as you do....when they have no comfort to offer....
What do you do?
For some of us, we just keep going. We know we are not the same, either one of us. And we try to accept those differences, both in ourselves and our spouse.
We love and fight and laugh together. We cry together. And we pray.
God, please help me keep it together. Please help me not lose this.
We do the best we can.