I spent 20 hours driving. It was the longest I've spent by myself in six years.
Dancer & Diva aren't big on privacy, not mine anyway.
So, twenty hours (almost a whole day) to be alone and think.
For some reason I just thought
Think, think, think, think
think, think, think, think
Thoughts the whole day through.
to the tune of the Seven Dwarfs mining song. Hmmmm....
In a high school English class, I read something interesting. It said that for a large part of History, people never traveled or lived beyond ten miles of where they were born. As travel became easier that number increased to thirty. We read about how interesting this was, how revolutionary - that someone could and would now travel and live thirty miles from the place of their birth.
That number would keep increasing as countries explored other continents, and here in the U.S. with the expansion of settlers ever westward. I was fascinated with these people. Their stories, their courage...and hubris. The women especially captivated me. How amazing, I thought, to pile their families and a few belongings in the back of a wagon to make a journey that would take the better part of a year - and forever separate them from loved ones.
As I traveled westward, sometimes as fast as 75 mph, I thought about them. And I had an inkling of what they felt. As I left behind every familiar face and landscape, as the trees of northeast Texas turned to the hills of Austin and the familiar dust of Amarillo covered my car, I felt a keen tugging sensation around my heart. The desolation of New Mexico reflected the loss I felt, and the Rockies frightened me with their sheer size and magnificent crags. The steep mountain passes made me hold my breath as I ascended and descended.
In some ways, as the road and scenery flew past, I was able to shed some of what lay behind me. This could be, I told myself, a grand adventure. The biggest of your life so far. And I wondered...
I asked God that question so many times on that drive.
Why? What's the plan? What's your purpose? Why won't you show it to me?
Why, out of almost 70 job applications, did we only receive one offer? And why is it so far from everything we've built? Why is it so far from my mother, who is my best friend...the one who loves me and supports me always? Why is it so far from the church family I have grown to love, and the community I was finally able to call my own? Why, God, is it so far?